In the past 18 months, many students experienced gaps in academic, social, and emotional development. Parents are worried about what their children have missed and how their school will ensure stability and readiness for what comes next. Needless to say, the current situation can be a recipe for tension between parents and educators. So how do we foster positive working relationships between educators and parents? Chris Leonard talks with Dr. Gerry Crisonino, Assistant Superintendent of Special Services in the Jersey City, NJ Public Schools, who currently serves over 4200 students with disabilities.
Highlights include:
- The importance of listening and being open to criticism
- How to respond to parents who come in ready for a fight
- Tips for keeping the focus on what’s best for the child
- Ideas for communicating with the parent community
- Sharing content to bridge the gap and strengthen relationships
Chris Leonard:
Welcome to our podcast, Conversations About Student Mental Health.
I’m Chris Leonard, Clinical Social Worker, working with adolescents for over 25 years. In this podcast, I talk with school administrators, educators, clinicians, and parents, to open a dialogue that will help the growing number of students struggling with mental illness.
In our last two episodes, we looked at the phenomenon of school refusal. First, from the perspective of an educational leader, who utilizes best practices to prevent school refusal before it takes hold, and to respond effectively when it does. And second, from the perspective of a parent, who supported her own child in overcoming school refusal, and who now supports parents facing this struggle. What became clear in both of these episodes was the importance of the relationship between school and parent. A strong working relationship with parents may be both more important today, and more challenging today, than ever before.
If you are a regular listener, you know that today’s students are facing significant mental health challenges. According to the CDC, one in six children aged two to eight has a diagnosable mental, behavioral, or developmental disorder. And, diagnoses of depression and anxiety only increase with age. These children and youth are among the estimated seven million children ages 3 to 21, in the US, who are identified as in need of special education services. As we continue the transition from remote back to in person learning, educators are anticipating a new wave of students to be identified as in need of special education services.
During remote learning, many students experienced gaps in academic, social, and emotional development. In fact, educators I’m currently coaching have pointed out that they have first and second graders who have never experienced a normal year of school. Middle school students whose last year in the classroom was in fourth grade. And, high school seniors who are applying to college, but feeling completely unprepared to make that transition. Educators also note that we talk about how crucial mental wellness is, but at the same time, our teachers are facing unprecedented pressure to get their students caught up academically. And, parents are worried about what their children have missed out on and how their school will ensure stability and readiness for the next steps their children will need to take.
Needless to say, the current situation can be a recipe for tension between parents and educators. So, how do we foster positive working relationships between educators and parents? My guest today has some answers. Dr. Gerry Crisonino is the Assistant Superintendent of Special Education Services in the Jersey City, NJ public schools, who currently serves over 4,200 students with disabilities. Both a clinical and school psychologist by training, Dr. Crisonino has extensive experience working with parents and community members, in addressing areas such as transition, family engagement, and dealing with mental health challenges. Dr. Crisonino chairs the NJASA Special Education Committee, is a member of the DOE’s ESSA stakeholders group, as well as a frequent presenter for NJAPSA and NJSBA, having served on his local Board of Education for over 16 years. Dr. Crisonino, welcome to the podcast.
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
Thank you, Chris. I’m thrilled to be here. Listening to you talk, it really reinforces to me how important this topic is, because we’re all living it nowadays. And, it’s so important to see this educational journey, that all of our students experience, as a partnership. No longer is it that it’s the school’s responsibility, and the parent’s responsibility, and the mental health provider’s, it’s all of us together. Because, we all have an invested interest in our students being successful, learning to be contributing members of our community. Because, as members of the community, they’re our future. And, if we don’t take it seriously, if we don’t do everything to support them, we are going to experience the negative side of that, when we don’t have a group of students that can be productive in life and contribute.
So, it’s important that we all take ownership in this. So, thank you. Again, I think it’s a great topic to talk about. I’m here to just give my little piece of wisdom, because there are many, many people in this field that know more than I, or have other ideas to share. And, the way we are able to be successful is to learn from each other, so it’s important we always listen to people in the field, and especially to the parents, because they are the experts about their children.
Chris Leonard:
That’s such an excellent point. You don’t just talk about parents, you talk about parents and you talk about community stakeholders. And clearly, from what you’ve just said, you recognize how important relationships and partnerships are. Because, it’s really not any of us operating in a vacuum. Virtually, anything we’re trying to get done, with regard to schools and students, needs to be done in the context of a partnership. How did you come to this recognition yourself? How did you arrive at that? Because, it just seems so natural to how you operate.
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
I think it is natural, and I think it’s natural for all of us because we’ve all gone through these experiences. We’ve all seen, whether it be with our own children, or our relatives, or our own self in an educational situation, that we all need help. We rely on others to help us move through whatever system it may be. Whether it’s the educational system, the business system, whatever that system may be, it always has to be a group effort. And, I think when I was growing up, it was more you let the educators… I look very young, but I’m not that young. You let the educators do their job, and the parents would be just there to basically yell at you if you didn’t get the best grade in the class.
But, we learned over the years that that’s not the way education is. It has to be a continuum. You come to school, you learn, you learn at home, you learn when you’re in the park with your friends. We’re continually learning, and we have to build on those experiences. And, education no longer is just sitting in a classroom and learning the three Rs. It’s now learning how to exist in life. We have thousands of good educators in Jersey City, and throughout the State of New Jersey, who do that every day. That’s when you realize, “We have to do this because we have to be partners with our family,” because, most of the time, the children are learning at home, or through experiences outside the school. So, let’s work with them to be able to reinforce what we’re doing, and to understand how their child learns.
Because, as a psychologist, and as people in the mental health field, as you are, we know that everyone learns differently. And, who knows better about how their child learns but the parent? Because, they’re teaching them from birth, so they will tell you, if you have conversations with them, “Johnny doesn’t pay attention that much, but if you write it down he’ll learn.” Or, “If you speak in this fashion or you do this…” And so, that’s the importance that you learn when you start working in a pre-k system, “How do children learn?” I did pre-k for many years. That’s what you would assess, “How do I get across to this child?” Parents are key to that because they’re teaching them all the time, even if it’s not in a formal setting. So, I think that was it. Just the experience of saying, “How do people learn?” And, people learn from the people they’re with most of the time: parents, grandparents, neighbors, friends. And, that’s why I think we in the field believe it’s so important to make this a group effort to teach our children.
Chris Leonard:
So, starting with a question is always good. When I think about how children learn, I always think about the questions that children ask, and they ask you those questions from the moment they can speak. “Why is the sky blue? Why does the sun come up in the morning? Why do I have to go to school?”
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
That’s right.
Chris Leonard:
There are infinite numbers of “whys.” I think we’ve established why these relationships are so important, how do you do it? How do you go about it in Jersey City? What are some of the key steps that you take to foster these kinds of relationships?
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
I think the most important thing to do is to be empathetic, to understand that all of this is new to a parent, or a stakeholder, or a grandparent, whomever you might be dealing with. This isn’t their expertise. This is why they’re coming to the educators. We have to appreciate that. And I think when we don’t do that, problems arise. When we feel like, “Well, we just told you this, and you should understand it.” No, this isn’t their area. Would just like me going into an engineering company and people telling me how to build a car, for instance, I would have no idea how to do it. I don’t even know how to change my oil. So, look at the parent and understand this is new to them, and how can we help them realize that we’re in this to help their child? Nobody goes into the education field if they don’t like children. Nobody goes in if they don’t want children to learn. Why would we do this?
So, we need to tell the parent, or let them feel, from the beginning, “Look, we’re here because we’re invested in your child learning. You’re invested in your child learning. And so, we have to work together.” So, I think it’s really being empathetic from the beginning, and understanding their limitations, and our limitations, which is we don’t know these children. We don’t know, often, their experiences at home, in the community, or other areas, and we need to learn those. I’m not saying we need to be intrusive and ask a million questions that don’t involve us. But, we have to understand where they’re coming from. And, then we could understand how we need to approach it, and how we can approach the parent. Because, if a parent is from a community where they’re distrustful of outside people, they’re going to be distrustful of the teacher, or the child study team, or whoever’s working with them. That doesn’t mean they don’t want to work with you, that means we have to get over that barrier. And so, maybe we have to work a little harder with those people. So, I think it’s really, like we said, understanding where somebody’s coming from. I think that’s the key. We have to be empathetic.
I often tell our interns when they start, “You have to understand that we have a child, say with some challenges, for X amount of hours a day. As a parent, they have them all day. And, not only are they worried about them learning, they’re worried about them succeeding in life.” And so, it’s not easy to be a parent of a student with disabilities, because you are constantly worried about their future. All parents are, but think about having this child with a certain challenge. And, all you keep on thinking is, “How are they going to get through in life? And I’m not always going to be there.” I think we have to remember that. If we look at that, then we could say, “Okay, I kind of understand where they’re coming from.” So, for us, that’s where we start here, “Where are they coming from?”
Chris Leonard:
Yeah. I’m just thinking about how many parents I’ve spoken to over the years who’ve had negative experiences at one point or another. Sometimes a parent comes in with the assumption that, “Oh, this is going to be one more of those times when my child doesn’t get what they need or I’m not heard.” So, obviously sometimes the relationship doesn’t start out in the best place. There are plenty of people, whether they’re in a coffee shop, or the supermarket, or whether they’re coming into a child study team meeting, they think, “The only way I’m going to get what I want is I need to be tough and adversarial.”
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
That’s right.
Chris Leonard:
So, how do you recover when you’ve gotten off to a rocky start? Somebody’s come in with that kind of fixed mindset that, “You’re not going to do the job,” how do you go from there?
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
That’s a great point because, you’re right, we’ve all had parents that come in and, “I’m bringing my lawyer. I’m bringing my advocate.” And, you’re kind of like, “Whoa, we didn’t even meet yet.” You don’t know that you’ll need to bring a lawyer because you’re assuming… because there’s been other experiences, or they’ve heard concerns that parents, other friends have had with just getting anything done. And so, they come in an adversarial approach.
I think you have to build that trust. Building trust takes a long time. It’s really just having conversations with them and basically saying, “Look, we’re going to communicate here. We’re going to communicate and I’m going to hear you.” Because, what these parents want, in many cases, is to be heard, and they want you to look at them. Many times, what they’re saying can’t be done, is not in the best interest of the child. As professionals, we have to make some of those recommendations. As a parent, we just can’t say, “I want this for my child.” That may not be the best thing for your child, educationally. We have the experience, but we have to let them know we heard them, and why what they’re asking for may not be the best thing. I think if you take the approach where a parent comes in and asks for something, and you say, “Absolutely not, we can’t do that,” then they’re going to think, “You really are on the other side.”
Chris Leonard:
If you’re saying no to say no.
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
Instead, say, “Look, let’s talk about it, and let’s look educationally at why that really is not going to work for your child.” If you have a child that needs to be in a self-contained class, the parent says, “I want my child in inclusion all the time,” you have to explain to them, “Look, I get it, our goal is to have your child included. Our goal is to have your child be able to just resume general education, but they’re not there yet. This is why they’re not, and this is the plan.” So, look at what they want and see if that can be incorporated in your plan. Maybe that’s never going to happen for some kids, or maybe it will happen a way down the road, or maybe it will happen a little at a time. But you kind of give them hope. Because, if you don’t give them hope, they feel you’re not hearing them. I think it’s building trust. And, dealing with anybody it’s, “You hear me. You may not agree with me, but at least you’re hearing me.” I think that’s the key to bringing them back into the situation. “Yeah, let’s hear it, let’s talk about it.”
I’m not going to say it works 100% of the time, that would be foolish.
Chris Leonard:
Sure.
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
But, I think when you’re in a meeting with somebody and the parent wants something, and for whatever reason you don’t think that’s educationally sound, you want to work for everybody walking out with an understanding of, “This is the best plan.” You may not be totally happy, because it’s not what you wanted, but you can say, “This isn’t a good plan for your child.” So, I think that’s really the key, getting into that and finding out where they’re coming from, and trying to make a plan to see if you can help them achieve their ultimate goal.
Chris Leonard:
Right. And, in order to help them achieve their ultimate goal, you have to have a sense of what that goal is. And, you only find that out by listening.
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
That’s right.
Chris Leonard:
Because, they’re thinking, “I need equine therapy because this is how my child is going to learn how to take care of themselves and be attentive to others.” “You’re absolutely right, your child does need to learn how to take care of themselves and be attentive to others. Here’s our idea of how we’re going to do it. Here’s why this is the best fit plan for your child.” Right?
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
Right. “This will meet the same needs. You don’t have to send them to a camp all summer, but this is how we can meet those needs.”
Chris Leonard:
Right.
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
And also, finding out where they see their child in the future. And, working with them to help them understand the reality. As a parent, we all see our children going to Harvard, becoming a multi-millionaire. We all see that for our kids, having a successful marriage and whatever. So, you have to understand that and then just say, “Okay, for your child, what can we help them achieve? Hopefully they’ll achieve all that stuff, but what can we do to help them achieve?” Because, we have to remember everyone has value. Everybody has a contribution to this world. And, whether it’s different from yours or mine, it doesn’t mean it’s any less important. I think we have to tell the parent, “Your child has value. They may not be able to read as well as this other child, they may not be able to go to college for whatever reason, but they have value and they can do this. And, they can have a successful life, regardless of what challenges they may have. They can be successful, and we’re here to make them successful.”
Chris Leonard:
Good. That starting point with an individual family, with an individual parent, of really understanding what are their goals? What are they trying to achieve? What are their hopes? What are their fears also? What are they trying to avoid? So, that’s clear.
I think you also have to maintain communication with larger groups of parents. You have to be able to communicate to parents in the aggregate, and community stakeholders, more broadly. So, how do you go about that? What are some of your keys to that?
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
It’s interesting, because nowadays, with social media out there, it’s actually much easier. There are many more venues to be able to communicate. And, I think during the pandemic, a lot of us kind of honed those abilities. For instance, for our speech therapy we created webinars and the children, because we were remote at the time, would receive those services virtually. But, we also created webinars for parents to be able to reinforce that at home. For parents, we created webinars that shared, “How do you do the homework with your children? If your child is having a rough day, here’s what you should do.” And so, it’s really getting all that information out. We use Twitter, we use Instagram, we have very active websites. We do all of those things, and it’s easier now. I don’t know how to do any of the stuff. Thankfully, I have really good staff who know how to do this.
Chris Leonard:
Because you’re part of a team too, right?
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
Yeah, because I’m part of a team. You get these people and you say, “Look, we have to continually give messages out to these parents, especially during the pandemic. How do we do that?” I require, especially during the pandemic, that every week our staff touch base with every parent. It was just a simple email, “How is John today?” You know what I mean? “Is everything going alright?” That communication flow is key. Because, a worse thing is when you stop communicating, and then rumors start. So, it’s very hard when you have a large group of parents, because in a small district you’re able to maybe see them a little bit more. In a big district, it’s difficult, so you have to use these venues.
We sponsor a lot of professional development for our parents. We’re doing virtual now. Over 500 parents can log on and we’ll have different topics that are of interest to them. Of course, we have our SEPAG, which any district would have, which is your Special Education Parent Advisory Group. I have a wonderful SEPAG, where we have about 40 members. Every school is represented. And, their job is to bring back information to us that we’re not hearing. Because, parents will tell other parents, when some parents, especially from different ethnics groups, are a little afraid to tell the administrators, because they’re afraid, “They’ll take it out on my kid.” But, they might say it to another parent. We tell the parents, “We want to hear.” We have a hotline for parents, you can call it anonymously if there’s an issue. You could call. We have a phone and an email hotline if you have a question.
Because, you don’t want not to have constant communication, because, like I said, that’s when rumors happen, and that’s when people will fill in that void. And, they will tell you, for instance, “Special ed isn’t doing this,” when you are doing it, but you never told anybody you’re doing it. So, it’s our job to make sure you understand what we’re doing and why we do things. And so, we use a lot of social media. I think my colleagues are all doing that now. And, certainly, I think it makes it a little easier. We also do, as most people do, in Jersey City at least, a Superintendent does a weekly shout out to the parents and an update through these automated systems. He calls them every Sunday night. It’s great, because what they’re hearing is, “This is coming up in school this week.” And so, parents have more communication with us nowadays. I think that’s just the nature of social media in those things that have developed and we’re able to use.
Chris Leonard:
Yeah. So, what I’m hearing is a very proactive, rather than a reactive, approach.
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
You have to be, yeah.
Chris Leonard:
Because, not only do people think you’re not doing things when you don’t communicate with them, but when you have that weekly call to give the parent a positive update, that can offset if you have to make a call with a concern. Whereas, traditionally what’s happened in school is, if you got a call from the principal, wow, that was a big problem. Or, a call from a teacher, smaller problem, but a problem.
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
That’s right.
Chris Leonard:
So, reaching out to parents and letting them know about good things that are happening for the whole group, for the whole school, for the district, for their child individually. That’s very powerful.
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
In addition, letting them know what’s going on in the community. There’s a lot of things out there for kids to be doing. So, in our email conversations or Twitter, we’ll say, “Hey, this is coming up. If you want to take your kids to the park, this is coming…” And, you talk to other agencies. Because they’re doing fabulous things out there, so you let them know. And, I think that reinforces, “They just don’t care about my child during the school day, they care that the library is having something going on this Saturday for us.” We say, “Hey, if you’re free…” We have Liberty Science Center in our backyard, which is a wonderful gift to have, so we’ll say, “Liberty Science Center is doing this thing.” So, I think that’s the important thing, is just making sure there’s a constant flow of communication.
It’s difficult. I’m fortunate because I have somebody that can do that for me, because we are a big district. But, even if it’s just once a week or twice a week, how great is it to hear from the school, “Hey, this is happening. This is what you could do. We’re thinking of you.”? Especially during the pandemic, that was very helpful.
Chris Leonard:
Yeah. And, it also reinforces the idea that the school is part of the community, and learning extends beyond the school day.
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
Right.
Chris Leonard:
The school doesn’t have all the answers, but the school has connections to people who have different answers, and different ideas, and different activities. So, that’s also very powerful.
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
Yeah. And, listening to parents, because parents will give you great ideas. A lot of the things we’ve done is because parents have mentioned it to us. There’s some things we can’t do, but I get a lot of really wonderful ideas talking to parents. Things I don’t think of, because I don’t know all the new things going on, I don’t know what their needs are. If you’re open to listening to parents, they’ll tell you. They’ll tell you because they’re in the community, and many of us are not part of the community or are removed from the community. They’ll tell you, “Look, did you ever think of this?” And you’re like, “I never thought of that, but we could do this.” We were even sharing, “These are educational shows coming up on PBS for your kid.”
I had some of my special education teachers look and say, “We’re recommending these things for your kids. You have nothing to do with them over the weekend? On Saturday night, this thing is showing and it’s talking about nature,” or, “You may want your child to look at this.” Then, it kind of says to parents, “You know what? They’re invested in my child.” And we are.
Chris Leonard:
Mm-hmm (affirmative). What I’m thinking about, as you’re describing this, I’m thinking about generating buy-in. I’m thinking about how valuable it is when you take those parents’ ideas and put them into action, because, as you said, parents are always talking to other parents. So, “Dr. Crisonino listened to my idea and actually implemented it. Wow, so we really do have a stake in this. We really are a team. This is a partnership.” It really reinforces that idea. Plus, you’ve just implemented a great idea.
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
That’s right.
Chris Leonard:
Which is working to the benefit of many.
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
And, give them the credit. We don’t need credit for everything we do. We need to share the credit. I’ve had people come to me — I’ve been doing this for a long time — saying, “You were my psychologist in fourth grade,” and the person is in their late 20s and they’ve brought their children here to meet me. To be honest with you, sometimes I don’t even remember them. It’s unfortunate, but you don’t. But, those were the best times, because you see, “Look, we did something, and we all did it together.” And so, give people the credit. If parents give me an idea… I have no problem giving ideas, I have no problem stealing ideas. I love to go to conferences and steal other people’s ideas, but I’ll give you credit. I’ll say, “In Newark they’re doing this, and we’re going to do it. ” So, I think that’s really it. Just listening and letting them know you value them.
Chris Leonard:
Right, absolutely. So, we’ve been talking about all the right things. We’ve been talking about how to do it well. What are some critical mistakes or pitfalls that school administrators need to avoid?
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
We all have them. It’s happened to all of us.
Chris Leonard:
We know them because we’ve made them, right?
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
We’ve made them, right. And, we see when other people are making it. One positive thing about being in this system a long time and you’re working with younger people new to the field, is you can tell them, “I’ve done that. I’ve made mistakes. I prejudged a parent as they came in because of their attitude. I didn’t know enough about certain cultural mores of parents.” You need to know that stuff. And so, I made a mistake. I made assumptions. I wasn’t open because the parents came in and they weren’t very nice, so the next time they came in I already felt, “We’re not going to do well here.” It’s kind of understanding and accepting that, and saying that, “We’re going to make a lot of mistakes, but we’re going to be open to fixing them, and we’re going to listen to people.”
Feedback is so important. I’m very fortunate because I have a lot of wonderful staff who have no problem telling me when I’m wrong. I want them to tell me when I’m wrong. Because, if I have such an ego that I think I’m always right, then I’m doing a lot of stuff wrong. You need to be open to hear what you’re not doing the right way, and then you reflect on it. You either accept it and change, or you say, “I don’t really own that.” If you don’t own it, and enough people are telling you you’re wrong, then you’re foolish. So, be open to being wrong and admit your mistakes. We’ve all make them. I think we prejudge people, and we have set ideas, and we get busy, and we have an agenda. A parent walks in, and our agenda is to get this meeting over, because I have three other meetings following. And so, you need to say, “Wait a minute, this is someone’s child that I’m rushing through because I’m getting to the next one.” And, the parent is not going to be happy, and they shouldn’t be happy, and I wouldn’t be happy if it was my child.
So, I think that’s it, just be open to admit you made mistakes, and you’re going to make mistakes. I make mistakes all the time. But, surround yourself with people who will honestly tell you when you’re wrong. I think it’s a key to life. It shouldn’t only be your wife or your husband, it should be other people in your life that will tell you when you’re wrong.
Chris Leonard:
And then, being able to own it and admit it when you have been.
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
Admit it, and digest it. And, just because they say it doesn’t mean it’s true.
Chris Leonard:
And learn from it.
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
And learn from it, yeah. It’s important.
Chris Leonard:
How do you assess progress and how do you adjust when you encounter a problem? How do you know it’s going well? How do you know when you need to make a change? How do you make that adjustment?
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
You have to have your ear to the ground, and I think we’ve discussed this. You have to always be taking the pulse of everything you do. You get that from a lot of key stakeholders. You get it from your staff, you get it from parents, you get it from parents groups. I’m not a big believer in reading everything that people put on these blogs and stuff because, many times, it’s just one or two people that are disgruntled because they didn’t get exactly what they wanted. But, it’s good to know that that’s out there, because they might be right, or they might have feelings other people have. And, maybe you need to make people understand why we couldn’t do this. So, I think it’s just important to always have your ear to the ground and to listen to a lot of key people out there who are willing to share with you what they’re hearing.
Because, I can sit in an office all day and not see a child, because we’re such a big district. But, I need to know what’s going on with those kids. We have 46 schools, and I’ve got to know what’s going on with all those kids in those schools. So, I have people, like my supervisors, who go out there and they bring me back this information. And then, I’ll know, “Do I need to get a little more involved?” So, it’s really just being open. Listen to people, you’ll hear it. You’ll know what’s going on. And then, as I said before, process it and adjust it, if indeed there’s volatility. If you need to adjust your approach, do that. Then process it and think about it. Don’t make decisions quickly. Don’t make decisions on a personal level. None of this should be personal. This is about this child. It’s not my feelings, the parents’ feelings, this one’s feeling. This is about that child. Don’t take it personally if the parents think you’re wrong or I think they’re wrong. Just work within that frame and just focus on the child. I don’t always have to be happy, I just have to do what’s right for the child. I don’t have to be loved by everybody. I have to do what’s right for the child.
Chris Leonard:
Boy, isn’t that one important? “I don’t have to be loved by everybody.”
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
You’re not going to be.
Chris Leonard:
Right.
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
I always tell people, “Stand in line.” There’s a lot of people I’m sure that don’t like what I do. But, I don’t want to hear that I didn’t do what’s right for a child. You can say you don’t like what I did, but you can’t say, in my mind, “It wasn’t the best thing for that child.” Focus on what’s best for him and her, and then you can’t go wrong.
Chris Leonard:
Good. I’m thinking of one more question. It’s almost a summary question: what have you seen as the main beneficial outcomes of putting relationships first?
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
I think you see an easier flow, in the educational process, when you’re working together. You can get a lot more accomplished when we’re all on the same side. When that’s happening is when ideas start to come up and when you can think, I hate this expression but, outside the box. Because, you’re having these communications, and things are going smoothly, and you’re not on the defensive, the parents are not on the defensive, the teachers are not being defensive. You’re all working. And so, you can really look at the next level, “We’re doing this. What can we do now to move the child even further ahead?” Because, we’re not battling to do this thing. I think that’s the benefit. It really makes just a smoother transition.
As we know, it’s very anxiety-provoking to be a parent nowadays. It was probably when my child was younger also, but especially now with everything going on. Everyone’s anxious. If we can decrease that anxiety a little bit and make it a little better for them, so they don’t have to worry whether their child comes to school, and they can just take a moment to breathe and think of something else in their life that they may need to be addressing, that, to me, is a real benefit. And so, we need just to get along and keep our eye on the prize, which is this child being successful in life, and then we could sleep.
Chris Leonard:
You’re making me think of two things. You’re making me think of what was the standard of care that I had when I sent my kids to school? And, it was that I wanted to feel that they were in good hands for the day. I wanted to feel that they were being taken care of. I wanted to feel that they were being challenged. And, I wanted to feel that they were making progress. So, that was one thing. It’s always been a standard of care for me, as an educator, is, “What would I want for my child?”
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
Right.
Chris Leonard:
And then, the other thing I was thinking, when you were talking about flow and getting more accomplished, I had this image of a crew rowing a boat. And, when a crew is rowing well together, they are in rhythm, they are in sync, the boat is moving smoothly through the water. And, they’ve overcome the inertia of being still, and now they have the inertia of motion, and so things keep progressing forward and it’s smooth.
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
That’s perfect. And, taking that even further, when waves come up, and you’re going over some rapids a little bit, if you’re all in sync, you’re able to get beyond them. You’re going to be able to be successful, master them, and continue on your way. So, I think that’s a great analogy.
Chris Leonard:
Yeah. Thank you. I want to thank you because this has been such a great conversation. I love the ideas that you’re putting to work. I love this idea of how you really facilitate this process of people working together and all pulling in the same direction, because it just makes everything so much easier, and leaves people feeling so much more satisfied and cared for, which is what you really want. So, really some invaluable insights that you’ve shared today, so thank you again.
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
Thank you. I enjoyed our conversation. I’m learning from you. Believe me. I’m going to use your rowing analogy, so I’m telling you I’m stealing it right now.
Chris Leonard:
Excellent, I love when people steal my ideas. It means it was a pretty good idea!
Dr. Gerry Crisonino:
Thank you, it’s been an honor. I appreciate it.
Chris Leonard:
Thank you very much, Gerry, it’s been a pleasure.
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